The Miyagusuku Family
by XSpaRkieX
Summary: A collection of Riku x Diva oneshots. What if Diva hadn't killed everyone's favorite chevalier? What if Riku had convinced her sister to let Diva stay with them? If you enjoy, kindly review so that I can improve the quality and speed of updates.
1. Breaking The Silence

Breaking The Silence

Riku hated scary movies.

This thought stuck in his head, although Diva had somehow coaxed Saya and the rest of the household to watch _Dead Silence_ with her. Even the menu made him squeak and hide under a blanket.

The ventriloquist dummies and ghost people ripping out poor people's tongues didn't sit well in his stomach. At one time he found himself clutching Diva and sobbing fearfully into her shoulder. Diva didn't seem to mind.

By the time the movie was over, Riku thought that every shadow was going to scare him, make him scream, and tear his tongue out at the seams. He ran to his room, and shut the door. He climbed into bed, and turned out the lights.

Riku heard nothing, and remembered the movie where silence meant that you were about to die. He didn't want to die, and he griped his jaws, tears streaming from tightly shut eyes.

He saw a shadow at his door, and could contain himself no longer.

"YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the poor boy shrieked, running from the room, knocking the figure to the ground.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Kai wondered aloud.

Diva awoke at this scream, and in seconds, felt Riku's arms encircle her waist.

She turned on the light, and saw the pathetic looking child. His eyes were bloodshot from crying, and wider then they had ever been. And Diva knew personally how wide Riku's eyes could get.

"What's wrong Riku?" she asked in the softest voice she could to comfort the boy.

"I…I screamed…D…Diva." He answered between sobs.

Diva pulled him into a tight hug, and kissed his forehead comfortingly. She promised he could sleep with her until morning, and he smiled greatly at this. Soon, both were fast asleep.

The next morning, Diva went out for several hours without saying where she was going. She returned with a smug look on her face.

Two weeks later an unmarked package arrived for Riku Miyagusuku. He opened it, and stared at the contents in horror. He then bolted upstairs, eyes fearful. Everyone but Diva looked inside.

They were face to face with a perfect replica of Billy, Mary Shaw's chief puppet.

Diva looked on the second level, and saw Riku rapidly moving all his things into Diva's room. Her plan had worked like a charm.


	2. A Bad Day for Riku

2. A Bad Day for Riku

Riku had just had the worst day of his life.

He had plenty of bad days, but today he just wanted to die. Nothing had gone his way, he was lonely, and he couldn't even go to Kaori's house because her mother was sick, and he didn't want to be a burden.

He had woken up late, and had to run to school, and in spite of that, missed first period.

After being chastised by his teacher, he went to his next class, but found he had left his backpack at home.

His backpack also contained his cell phone, lunch, wallet, and iPod, so he had none of those the whole day.

At lunch, he had no money to replace the lunch he forgot before, because his wallet was in his backpack, so he was starved.

He had gotten beat up by a gang, and he was almost sure he had a broken wrist, and the worst part was, he got in trouble for having a broken wrist.

He didn't have any books for class, and his wrist hurt like hell.

He hadn't had time to shower or eat breakfast either, and passed out in sixth period.

He'd almost been hit by a car on the way home, but the driver managed to send a rock flying into his leg, making him limp the rest of the way.

When he learned Kaori's mom was sick, he felt like a jack ass for wanting to stay over, and, dejected, limped home.

Riku couldn't help crying.

He took the spare key from under the flour pot, and opened the door, sadly.

All of a sudden, he was enveloped by warm arms, and silky hair. Diva was kissing him with extreme passion, and soon, he began to kiss back.

"I missed you so much!" Diva squealed.

She carried him up to their room, and laid him on the bed, and climbed on top of him.

'Oh well.' Riku thought 'Maybe today wasn't all bad.'


	3. Sugar High

3. Sugar High

Riku wasn't supposed to have sugar.

It was commonly accepted among the family, all except Diva. She had been told by Saya on her first day in the house not to ever let him have sugar.

Saya's only reason was that he would go crazy.

This sounded like fun to a twisted mind like Diva's, so one day, when Kai was off doing god knows what, and Saya and Haji were at Red Shield HQ, she run as hard as she could to the nearest 7 Eleven, and bought all the candy she could afford.

She smiled wickedly to herself as she skipped home, anticipating what was to come. Many people gave her ugly looks, but one glare would make them turn away quickly.

She arrived at the restaurant, her smile wider than ever, and opened the door.

Riku was watching TV, but got up to hug Diva when he heard her come in. He cast a casual glance at the contents of the bag, and seemed to ignore them.

Diva was disappointed, but something in Riku's brain clicked. He looked slowly at the candy again, and confirmed what he had thought.

A line of drool came from his mouth, and broke. Diva led him to the couch, and sat him down. She poured all the sugary junk food onto Riku's lap, and saw his eyes widen with delight.

He shakily un-wrapped the first bar of pure chocolate and bit into it slowly, as if it might kill him. Then, as if in a decision of defiance to his uneasiness, ate the rest of the bar in one bite.

Diva could only watch as in about two minutes, he had devoured all the candy. Riku's pupils dilated and all hell broke loose.

Five Minutes Later 

Riku ran into the wall again, shook it off, and jumped over Diva's head a third time.

'This is fucking hilarious!' Diva screamed in her head, as the sugar crazed youth tripped over the counter for a twelfth time.

"Oh. My. God!" Saya yelled at the top of her lungs.

The house was in total disarray. Riku had torn up every chair, knocked over all the tables and lamps, and somehow moved all the appliances onto the front lawn.

In the center, Diva sat on the remains of the couch, and Riku lay panting next to her, allowing her to lightly stroke his hair to calm him.

"I thought I told you not to give him sugar!" Saya snapped at her twin sister.

"Yes," said sister responded, "but you never told me why."


	4. Saw

4. Saw

Diva was in a bad mood.

Riku had recently recovered from the _Dead Silence_ scare, and was moving all his stuff back into his old room.

Diva watched and pouted as her young boyfriend straightened his things out, and prepared to sleep alone again.

Diva had to think of a way to get him so scared of being alone that he would never leave her room. She had to get him to watch more scary movies.

Kai would be up for it no doubt, Saya would need a little persuasion, and Haji just did whatever Saya did. However Diva didn't really care about how easy they would be. She cared about how hard it would be to convince Riku again.

The first time, Saya had promised that they would all be there, and that they could leave the lights on. Diva had agreed then, but now she wanted Riku to be afraid. She wanted him to grab her like last time.

She grinned at the memory of how tightly he had squeezed her. She remembered how they had slept together for five weeks, and wanted it all to happen again.

She had to find a movie that would make Riku fear even his beloved sister Saya.

She searched the video store for several hours, and finally found one she thought would work on her poor lover.

The DVD case was opaque silver, with the word _Saw_ written on it. Dangling from strings on the case, were pictures of three severed fingers. The movie was rated R for brutal gory violence, disturbing images, and strong language.

'Perfect!' Thought our evil little vampire queen as she paid for the movie, with a malevolent smile. The store clerk refused to make eye contact.

That Evening 

Saya had brought Kaori with her, because they hadn't spent much time together, and Kaori's mom was over her illness. Kai shouted with joy, and playfully punched his little brother's arm when he saw the movie. Haji sat next to Saya, his trademark stare etched into his face.

Poor Riku, after seeing Kai's reaction, was already under his blanket. He squeaked audibly when Diva turned off the lights, and started the movie.

About Two Hours Later 

The credits rolled, and Riku had buried himself in Diva's dress. Diva just grinned, and carried the frightened boy to his room. She couldn't make it seem like she wanted him to freak out.

As she tried to leave, she paused, and put her finger on the light switch. She turned to see Riku whimpering pathetically eyes watering.

She flicked the switch down.

Riku tackled her and hugged her as tightly as he possibly could. They were eye-to-eye, and for once, Riku started the kiss. Diva returned it, and carried him to her room.

"Diva," Riku whispered in her ear, "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight."

Diva smiled, "I wasn't planning on sleeping either Riku." She cooed as she removed his pajama shirt. Riku blushed deep crimson.


	5. Hate

5. Hate

Saya really hated her sister sometimes.

Diva's love for Riku made her do so many stupid things; it drove Saya past the brink of insanity.

Like the infamous Shower Incident as Kai had dubbed it.

Riku had been taking a shower one afternoon, but found that there was no soap. So, using his brain, he borrowed the soap from the guest shower. Soap in hand, and a towel around his waist, Riku went to finish his shower. He opened the door to the bathroom, but found the shower running. He was sure he had turned the water off before searching for the soap. He knocked tentatively on the opaque glass door, just to make sure he wouldn't embarrass himself, and hearing no answer, walked in.

Saya had walked by the bathroom an hour later, and had heard nothing but low moans coming from the shower. She clenched her fists at the memory.

Or the Truth or Dare fiasco.

Saya should have known that Diva's reasons for wanting the family to play couldn't have been for _emotional_ bondage. Only Diva could ask the questions, and made sure to ask everyone but Riku first. Kai, predictably, jumped up and shouted dare. He had to wear Saya's school uniform for the next month. Saya also chose dare, being only slightly less adventurous then her older brother. She wasn't aloud to bathe for nine days.

Saya grimaced at how bad she had smelled. Even Kaori had avoided her.

Haji had opened his mouth and began to say pass, but a glare from Saya told him to pick dare. He was making out with Saya for eight minutes. Lastly, Diva turned to Riku, who shivered. He didn't want to seem like a coward in front of everyone else, but knew Diva must have something planned for him.

"D…Dare…" he had squeaked.

Diva took his hand and led him upstairs saying everyone else could do what they wanted, as long as they followed through with their dares.

Saya had gone to check on them a few minutes later, and found Riku handcuffed to the bed, naked, with Diva standing over him. Riku was gagged, and Diva wore only her bra and panties.

Saya hadn't stayed to find out what happened next, and prayed she would never know.

Maybe the time where she had snuck up on Riku when he was cooking dinner, and tried to rape him. The stove had caught on fire that night.

Saya would never know why her brother loved that psychopath, but he did, he wanted her to stay, and Saya couldn't say no to her beloved younger chevalier.


	6. The Mall

6. The Mall

The Miyagusuku/Otonashi family had never been to the mall together.

Kai had gone many times, Saya and Kaori hung out occasionally, Haji never went, and Diva was always to busy "playing" with Riku to bother. However today, Kaori had gotten Kai to come with her and Saya, and Saya had ordered Haji to come to. She had then asked Riku as nicely as she could, not wanting to leave him alone with Diva.

Riku said yes, and Diva hugged him, and said she didn't want to be alone. Saya glared as she licked the shell of his ear. Her sister had no sense of when to be sensual toward people.

The six walked to the mall, Riku being held close by Diva. Due to this, he tripped ever few steps, earning the two strange looks. Saya was relived when the got to the huge building, and was about to turn and make a plan. Kai then saw a sporting goods store and ran full speed to it. Haji went to sit in the Barnes and Noble to read. And Diva swept Riku up, and the two disappeared into the crowd of store goers.

Saya and Kaori were left alone, gaping at how easily the group had separated. Haji wouldn't go anywhere without Saya telling him so, the sporting goods would keep Kai busy long enough for Armageddon to come, so all that was left was to find Diva and Riku.

Saya flinched at what Diva could do with this much space, and all these different stores. This mall sold at least one of everything she could ever want, and she had her favorite toy to play with. Saya's mind went back to the time Diva had handcuffed her brother to a bed, and knew this wouldn't end well.

Meanwhile, Diva had dragged Riku into a very angry looking store. The large sign, that seemed to be on fire read, _Hot Topic_. Inside, were many rows of clothing, music, jewelry, and some morbid objects that looked like fun to Diva. She pushed the younger boy into the center of one of the clothing circles, and told him not to move.

For a good five minutes Riku sat motionless, but the clothes were pushed aside, and Diva entered, closing the wall behind her, like a fortress. She removed her shirt, and saw Riku get aroused. She was more exited then usual as well. Maybe because she was dressed in a tight leather outfit, with an open crotch. She advanced on the boy, drawing out a pair of handcuffs.

Meanwhile, on the Other Side of the Mall 

"RIKU!" She shouted, drawing so much attention, she blushed, and ran away from the crowd. Kaori was as close behind her as she could get, gasping for air. She had never seen her good friend so uptight, and was wondering what this "Diva" was doing to the sweet boy who often stayed at her house.

What she was doing would be considered a federal offense if she were caught. Incest, intercourse in a public location, and stealing. (The clothes were stolen.) She and Riku were both out of breath, and Riku's arms were so sore from being chained up, he couldn't feel them. Diva positioned herself on top of the small boy, but noticed the weary look in his eyes.

She picked him up, and carried him back to where they had left the others.

Saya was the first to see the pair approach.

Diva was holding Riku, who was motionless. Saya ran to her brother in panic, but as she got closer, she heard soft, even breathing. She blushed, realizing he was just asleep. Her sister gave her a warm smile, and asked if they could go home and, "sleep".


	7. Riku's Guitar

7. Riku's Guitar

Riku played guitar.

Of course, being as shy as he was, he never told anybody. He had found the guitar two years ago.

Flashback 

Riku was cleaning out the attic, in an attempt to create more storage space, when he noticed a long black box. He undid the catch, lifted the lid, and saw a Taylor acoustic guitar before him.

The inside of the case bore the name, George, so he knew it was his father's. He took it out, and tentatively plucked a string. A low note rang out. He plucked another. This brought a high sound.

He placed his finger on a string, between two metal strips, and plucked. He spent the rest of the day, and every other day when no one was around, playing the guitar, his skill growing.

End Flashback 

Today, he crept into the attic, and pulled the guitar case from its hiding place under an old couch. He played softly at first, but soon lost control, and beautiful music cascaded from the instrument, as it joyously screamed out its pain.

Diva was angry now.

Not only could she not find her lover, but music was now taunting her. As if it was daring her to find it. Diva punched the wall in aggravation, wondering of this was how Riku felt when she taunted him with her song.

Her eyes glowed with realization. She was sure it was Riku who was making this music. She just wanted to find him, and hear that music up close. She also wanted to see how he was making this music.

Diva searched from the lowest level up. The cellar was dark and scary, containing more canned food then Diva could believe. Now she knew why they ran a restaurant.

Riku was still oblivious to Diva's hunt for him, too concerned with his playing. He bent a note high, and played three scales in quick succession. He loved his guitar. So much that his playing was the only thing on his mind.

So much that he didn't notice Diva slowly open the trapdoor to the attic. She knew he was playing her song, and after a few seconds, sung the melody.

Riku almost jumped, and the music stopped. This caused Diva to pout. She loved the way Riku played her song.

"Play some more Riku." It sounded more like a command, but Riku was shy, and tried to slip the guitar back into its case. Diva wrapped her arms around him from behind, and licked his ear.

"Play some more Riku."

The next day, Riku showed his guitar, and his ability with it, to Kai and Saya. They wondered how he had built up the courage to tell them. Diva just smirked. A few weeks later, Riku brought home a CD of his playing, and Saya began selling and playing it at the restaurant.

Riku never told anyone how Diva had "Persuaded" him to take these steps. He was sure if he did, Saya would have her spayed.


	8. Day of the Dead

7. Day of the Dead.

It was the third time.

It was the third time that Riku had been shanghaied into watching a scary movie. Diva had chosen a particularly gory one, George A. Romero's _Day of the Dead_.

_Day of the Dead_ was rated as one of the top 5 scariest horror movies ever made, and top 10 bloodiest. When his psychotic lover had happily told this at dinner the previous evening, Riku had almost choked on his duckling a la rouge, which he himself had prepared.

After experience with these situations, Riku had taken time to arm himself. He had an mp3 player that was set to play some classical songs that Haji was teaching him. He also had brought a stress penguin, whose eyes bugged out when he was squeezed. Riku had had this penguin for awhile, and had named him Kaworu.

With his music, his quilt for hiding under, and Kaworu, Riku was sure that he was ready to take on the worst that George A. Romero had to offer. As usual with matters concerning Diva, Riku was wrong about how ready he was for it.

Even the opening scene, with the zombie hands bursting through the wall, or the zombie who had no lower jaw, made Riku's hair stand on end. Kaworu's eyes were bugged out for the duration of the movie.

Saya tried to comfort him, but Riku shook her off, and ran to the kitchen. He soon realized that the kitchen, HIS kitchen, the one where he cooked some of the best food in Okinawa, felt scary and evil.

He covered his ears, closed his eyes, and began repeating a line that was supposed to work.

"Feel good." He murmured, praying in his head, "Feel good."

There were footsteps.

"Feel good."

He was sure it was just someone coming to check on him, but it wasn't working.

"Feel good."

He realized the footsteps weren't coming from the rec room, but from outside.

"Feel good."

They were slow and heavy, and there were two sets.

"Feel good!"

Now a haunting sound joined the footsteps.

"Feel Good!"

A heavy knock resounded and Riku's eyes involuntarily snapped open.

"F-f-feel g-g-good." He whispered, tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted some other person with him, even if it was Diva whipping him while he was tied down in a leather gimp mask.

The door opened, and Riku shot back into the rec room. David, Louis, and the electric-wheelchair-confined Joel felt like a sonic boom had hit them. They had come for a surprise visit, and to make sure Diva was relatively in-line.

By the look of things, they probably weren't.

Riku had come back at the wrong time, for just as he re-entered the basement, he turned to the TV.

The infamous death of Captain Rhodes was on, and Riku lost all composure. He shrieked, and threw up. His delicate psyche was shattered, and his world spun, and he passed out.

A few weeks later, Saya had come down to the rec room to look for her wrist watch that she had lost, and found the previously catatonic Riku snapping all of their DVDs in half. Saya was about to berate him, but he looked up to her with such a maniacal look, she decided two things.

One; her wrist watch could wait.

Two; She was going to check Riku into Diva's therapy classes from now-on.


	9. Books

9. Books

Riku read too many books.

That was Diva's opinion and she would stick to it no matter what. While her young lover was at school, she was trying to keep herself amused, no easy feat for the queen. In an attempt to eradicate boredom, Diva began to search Riku's room.

At first, she found nothing of interest to her, just a bunch of things that she knew Riku owned, like his baseball glove, gathering dust on his dresser. She was about to forsake everything her therapy had built up, and go to Riku's school to spy on him.

Then, she noticed for the first time, Riku's massive book shelves. She had always known about them, but had never been bored enough to look at them.

As with all the other things Riku owned, the boy seemed to like them in perfect order. The books were ordered by genre, and alphabetized. Diva tilted her head to the side so she could properly read the spines.

The first set seemed to be romance novels. The sappy kind where the two seem to be made for each other, but some tragedy tears them apart. Diva wouldn't let anyone take Riku from her, unlike these shrill-voiced blondes.

Next was a selection of slightly disturbing books. Books that had girls being soaked with pig blood, and cannibalistic clowns. Diva wondered how Riku wasn't frightened by these tales of gore and evil. She may have liked them, but she only knew a little bit of English.

The next collection of books consisted of volumes upon volumes of cook and how-to books. Diva supposed that he had to have learned how to make everything he could somehow, and Saya could only eat food, not cook it. As for Riku's brother, Diva found him to be annoying.

Now Diva's eyes came to rest on loose magazines. Riku obviously didn't care to keep these in order, giving the fact that they were spilling onto the floor. They were magazines about guitars, other cultures, and news, nothing that Diva would have to berate him about, or that Saya would have to have a "heart-to-heart" talk with him about.

Next to the magazines was one large book. It was purple, and when Diva ran her fingers over it, felt that it was velvet. She carefully removed it, and opened it up. It was a photo album, containing pictures that Riku seemed to have put in him self.

At first, it was Riku, Riku's father, and Kai. Soon, Saya began to appear in the pictures. Then George disappeared. Next, Haji showed up, and last, there were pictures with her in them.

Each photographic memory had a caption written neatly below it. Riku had taken careful time to preserve everything in this book. To bad Diva wasn't exactly into reminiscing on past events.

She put the book back on the shelf, and decided to go with the stalking Riku plan.


	10. OCD

10. OCD

Riku was obsessive compulsive.

Diva wasn't quite sure what that meant, but from what Saya had told her, it had something to do with the fact that he made sure everything was in perfect order.

Not once in Diva's whole time there had there been something out-of-place that hadn't been put there by her, and within minutes, Riku would put it perfectly back in its place. Diva loved watching him do this.

She loved it so much; she would actually throw his room into disorder, and on one occasion, she even took the time to move his bed into the kitchen. Although he had above-average strength, he still had trouble getting the bed back to where he deemed it belonged.

However, when she wasn't playing her game, she found it annoying. Everything had to be even numbered, and even in every other way. Sometimes things weren't symmetrical enough, and sometimes things were TOO symmetrical. Once a thread came loose on his shirt, and he insisted that it be incinerated.

Diva wasn't allowed to prepare food because she never left everything exactly as it was when she started. Riku made sure that with peanut butter; he would use half of the smooth top layer, and then dig under until all that was left was the other half. Diva also used what he called "uneven portions".

Standard bread was absolutely unacceptable. It had to be specially made as to never have to two convex end pieces, because they weren't like the other pieces.

To Riku, mixed nuts were the first step towards anarchy. The simple notion of that many different things in the same container made him dizzy, and he would devote however long it took to un-mix them.

Saya found Riku's OCD scary, a fact she had confessed to Diva. She told her that Riku had once knocked down the third load-bearer to the Miyagusuku household because three is an uneven number. He had almost caused the house to sink into the ground.

Diva was happy that she had not only a lover, but also a weapon against Saya. In secret, Saya had had the third load-bearer replaced, and if Diva told Riku that, he would just bash it down again. So Diva had leverage on her sister, and could get away with a lot.

However, if she disrupted Riku's perfection, may God have mercy on her twisted soul.


	11. The Wedding

11. The Wedding

Diva smiled as Riku entered the church.

She almost squealed with joy when he took his place next to her, and, ignoring tradition, pulled him close. The minister began the long speech about vows, and promise, and the happy life a married couple was destined to live.

Riku listened attentively, taking in every word. Diva was just bored.

All she wanted was for this to be over, and to leave this hot and stuffy place. She may not have burst into flames, but to her, having no entertainment was just as bad.

She would never admit she was a brat, but for the most part, brats don't.

Saya whapped the back of her head, causing her to emit a low yelp.

"Pay attention Diva!" the elder sister snapped, "Or should we leave before the service is finished?"

Diva pretended to be as interested in the holy man's seemingly endless monologue about something Diva couldn't find any point in. She heard what sounded like some cheesy romance novel.

Diva caught her sister's eye, and saw Saya raise her hand with malice.

The former devil turned back to the boring man.

To entertain herself, she began caressing Riku. The young boy didn't seem annoyed, but he gently moved her hand away from him.

"Not now Diva, this is important."

If Diva hated one thing more then being bored, it was having people deny her what she wanted. She started to pout, but the minister finally got to the only part she cared about.

"Do you," the man said, "Take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband…?"

"I do Diva whispered into Riku's ear seductively.

"And do you; take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife…?"

Diva glanced at Riku, but Saya's young chevalier was silent.

"Say 'I do' Riku." Diva instructed him as if her were a two year old.

"No Diva." He said.

"WHAT?!?" Diva shrieked, drawing the attention of the whole chapel, and almost deafening her lover, "You won't marry me?!?"

Saya pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She had been sure this would happen.

"Diva," she started slowly, "for the last mother-fucking time, you and Riku aren't getting married, they are!" she told her clueless sister, gesturing at David and Julia.

"But why did WE have to come then?" said sister whined.

"To watch you dumb bitch!" Yelled Kai, earning himself a punch in the face from Diva.

Diva pouted and stormed out of the church, leaving Saya to make sure Riku's healing powers could heal his imploded eardrum.

For the next week, she stayed in her 'Diva Tree', where she went when she was mad. She wouldn't come down until she was happy, so the Miyagusuku family had finally gotten a reprieve.


	12. Why Diva Shouldn't Play Video Games

12. Why Diva Shouldn't Play Video Games

Diva honestly had no idea what Kai had in his hands.

It looked like a strange plate, or maybe a little box. She was using all her brilliant deductive powers to try to find out the box/plate/potential bomb was for. Riku seemed to know, as upon seeing it, his face lit up.

"A Wii!" He cried happily, as Diva began to turn the strange word over in her mind, "Kai-niichan how did you afford this?!?"

Riku's question seemed to be rhetorical, because he didn't wait for an answer. He grabbed the enigmatic 'Wii' and rushed it to the TV. Diva was joined in her confusion by Haji, Solomon, and Karl. They seemed to have more of an idea then Diva, but in her mind, there was only one possibility as to what was going on.

Riku was a criminal mastermind, and this 'Wii' was the doomsday device he intended to use to hold the world ransom. How could Diva not have noticed that Riku was actually evil? Saya, who seemed to notice the four confused members of the household, walked over.

"It's just a little machine that you can play games with." She explained in terms Diva could only interpret one way. At least, that's what Saya hoped against hope.

She seemed to have phrased it well enough, because Diva seemed exited at the prospect of fun.

"What kind of games?" She asked, hopping from one foot to the other.

"I don't know what games Kai bought, or how he got the money." Saya stated simply. Diva looked slightly crestfallen at the chance that she wouldn't like what crappy games Kai would want to play.

About an hour (much to Diva's displeasure) and many hand injuries to Kai (much to Diva's pleasure) later, Riku seemed to have figured out how to hook the system up the TV set, and they were ready to play.

Diva didn't understand the concept of how to control the Wii, but Riku promised she'd learn by watching and experience.

First, to test the consul, Kai inserted 'Wii Sports'. Diva watched as everyone created a little character that looked a lot like them. Diva got mad when Kai gave her character perpetually angry eyebrows, and braces.

After the characters were all created, Kai and Riku began to play virtual baseball. Riku was so much better at Wii baseball then he was at the real game. Kai lost 183 to 4. Riku just grinned.

Kai shoved Riku away and challenged Karl to boxing. He defeated the most brutal chevalier Diva had ever created about 20 times in a row.

"Geez Karl, YOU SUCK!" Kai shouted as Mii Karl fell to the mat.

"You know asshole," Karl began, growling, "The wire between the two remotes is just long enough for me to ram them both into your eye sockets, and pull them out your FUCKING MOUTH!"

Karl began to chase Kai around, swinging the controls at Kai's face. The older Miyagusuku brother screamed in fear as Karl attempted to make good on his threat. Diva giggled, and pulled Riku in.

The game began, and Diva immediately began losing. All she could manage to do was make her character run in a random circle of death. Diva pouted as the defeat message enveloped her half of the screen.

Riku noticed how she used her special talent on the television. Most people can glare daggers at others. Diva glares battleaxes. Riku could swear he saw the TV smash under the power of Diva's evil.

Riku selected a different game, and he and Diva were soon engaged in a mortal battle of tennis. Needless to say, Diva lost miserably yet again, and she began to shake with anger. Riku quickly picked a new game to abate her rage.

The great final confrontation between Riku and Diva would be a few rounds of golf, and the test of speed, strength, and skill began.

And ended just as quickly, for Diva had not secured her wrist strap and, 'accidentally' sent the Wii-mote flying into the TV set. Kai screamed in anguish at losing the TV, and pain from Karl breaking three of his fingers.

Riku looked only slightly mournful at the loss of the machine, but Saya was seething. Not so much for the loss of TV shows, but because she knew that Kai would just replace it with a more expensive set.

"Move Riku." She said, her eyes glowing, but the boy stood firm.

"I'll go talk to Diva, okay Saya?" Riku said, "I'll make sure she'll pay for a new TV, plus interest." Riku added. This satisfied Saya, and within the week, the Miyagusukus had a brand new 60 inch plasma screen TV installed in the basement.

Saya needed to use her brother as a weapon against Diva more often.


	13. WHY?

13. WHY?!?

Riku had left her.

Not just the oh-I-have-to-go-to-school-for-a-few-hours left, but he had left with Saya, Haji, and that obnoxious Kai for ONE WHOLE WEEK! Diva had been left alone in the Miyagusuku household. Her chevaliers had gone with them. She was MISRABLE! Diva had to so something to entertain herself.

She had never had to work this hard at anything in her whole life. She had to summon all the fortitude she had in her whole being to keep herself interested for a week.

Fuck it, she may as well just breakdown now and save herself some time. She curled herself into a ball on the floor and began to sing her opera backwards and out-of-key.

Soon, she became bored with butchering her own song, and went to make some "lunch". She soon discovered that Riku didn't keep any live humans in the pantry, or blood in the fridge. How could they live this way?!? Then she remembered Saya took blood through fake transfusions, and set out to find her supply.

After about two hours of ransacking her sister's room, Diva couldn't figure out where she kept her supply of fresh human blood.

"If I were a delicious meal, where would my sister hide me?" Pondered the queen as she racked her brain, completely forgetting it was Julia who kept the blood and gave it to Saya.

Abandoning her futile search for something to eat/drink, Diva decided to watch some TV. She sat in her spot of the couch, instinctively wrapping her arms around the space of thin air where Riku should have been. She almost cried when she realized he wasn't there.

She flipped through the channels dully until she came to something that looked…amusing. She sat and watched blankly.

Five minutes later she knew a fact. _Jackass_ was the worst show ever. No more foreign TV for her. She got up, and went to the garage.

She had been told that for the safety of others, she was never allowed to enter this place of sharp, pointy, rusted objects. Saya wasn't here, so who really cares?

She opened the door and beheld Jason Voorhees' paradise. Machetes dangled from the walls, two large chainsaws sat on a work bench, sickles lined shelves, and random blades lay wherever they would. A hammer sat, practically basking in a godly light, just begging to be picked up by an irresponsible chiropteran.

She grabbed her iron and wood friend and headed towards the living room. She raised the device, and began pounding holes in the walls. She took great pleasure in bashing through the paint and drywall, but choked on the dust.

The door opened with a slam and a very pissed off looking Saya stormed in.

"I can't believe we actually got BANNED from an AIRPORT!" She yelled.

"Wow Karl," said Nathan, "I didn't know you could pull someone's ribcage out their mouth."

You learn something new every day Nat…" Karl was cut short by Diva accidentally bashing her hammer into his face.

"FUCK!" Karl screamed, "FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!"

"Oh dear!" Nathan yelled, drawing everyone else's attention.

Riku, smart as always, began to call out medical orders.

"Alright Solomon, you and Saya get the hammer out of his face, Nathan, you hold him down, Haji, you get something to kill the pain!"

Nathan grabbed his brother, and pinned him to the wall. Saya and Solomon waited for Haji to kill the pain. Said chevalier entered, and stood in front of Karl. He raised his steel cello case, and brought it down on the wounded vampire's head.

"Yeah…" Riku said slowly, "That'll work. Now, you two pull out the hammer, his chevalier powers should heal the wound after that."

Diva snatched up the boy, and hugged him tightly. She spun him around in the air, and pulled him into a deep kiss.

"I missed you so much Riku!" She cried, tears of joy rolling down her face.

"Diva," Saya said, as she and Solomon pried the hammer from Karl's face, "We were gone for a grand total of five hours before Karl made us come home. He caused a 'mild disturbance.'"

"Well…I missed him anyway!"

**THE END!**


	14. in Sickness and in Health

14. in Sickness and in Health

He knew this feeling.

It was the same feeling he had in Russia when he caught that horrible cold. He wondered why his powers hadn't prevented him from getting sick, because Haji was never sick. That could have just been because he had almost 200 years of immune system behind him, but what use was Riku right now?

He found himself being a bit more of a bother in his own mind, although his siblings were more then happy to be able to spend time with him. He and Kai would watch TV and play video games, Saya would read to him and talk, and Haji didn't mind having an audience for his fantastic cello playing.

Diva was just confused. She had never encountered sickness in her whole life, and to her it seemed like Riku was dying. When she first saw him lying in bed, wash cloth on his forehead, in a deep sleep, she thought he was about to be embalmed and burst into tears. Saya had to calm her sister, and go through the tedious process of explaining diseases.

First, Diva tried yelling at Riku's illness to make it go away, but that just made Saya tell her to go to time out. Next, she tried to seduce it with the plan to kill it as soon as it was in her grasp. Hey, Saya had only told her sickness was caused by things living in your body, and this IS Diva we're talking about. So, at long last, she chose to just wait it out, and stay with Riku all hours of the day.

Once Saya walked in to find Diva outside the sheets, singing her song softly to Riku while he slept. When Saya asked her to leave, Riku's arms conveniently wrapped around her. All in all, Riku's second cold wasn't so bad; in fact, it gave him a nice break from his stressful life.

THREE DAYS AFTER RIKU'S RECOVERY

Diva sneezed, and lay back in bed, surrounded by her chevaliers.

"Alright, the answer is simple," Karl said in a commanding tone, "all we have to do is shrink me to microscopic size, inject me into Diva's bloodstream with a satellite tracking device and a laser gun, and I'll blow up all the viruses."

"Karl," Solomon said patiently, "almost every time you open your mouth, I want to punch you."

"Look," Riku said, the only other reasonable one aside from Solomon, "We should just wait for her natural immune system to take over the virus and kill it."

"My way's faster…" mumbled Karl.

"Riku…" Diva whispered.

"Yes? Do you want anything?"

"Could you stay with me? Please?"

"Of course I can Diva."

Saya looked through the door as the chevaliers left the two alone, and saw a content smirk cross her twin's face.

**THE END!**


	15. Halloween Part I

15. Halloween Part I

A minor note, this chapter exists because of Alex-chan Kyiozumi for making a new story. I was getting sick of being the only one who updates, so I've been holding on to this two part story for quite some time now.

**ONTO THE STORY!**

Diva sat up in her tree, gazing horrified at the sight bellow her.

Little demons walked the streets, knocking on doors, and shouting, 'trick-or-treat!' To Diva, this translated into, 'give-us-candy-or-die!' As she sat in the only place she knew she would be safe, she wondered how this hellish night came about.

She guessed that the demons ate anyone under the age to twenty-one, and used their forms to acquire candy to feed the armies of Beelzebub. Damn biblical monsters, ruining her evening.

Wait! People under the age of twenty-one! Riku was only…uh…um…err…14! That's right, 14! In her moment of carelessness, she had forgotten that Riku could be devoured by these creatures!

Diva knew what she had to do. She had to rescue her precious Riku from certain death! She couldn't do it alone, but she knew a crack team who would be able to help her.

**Twenty-Five Minutes Later.**

"Those BASTARDS!" Yelled Karl, smashing his fist onto the coffee table, shattering it, "How DARE they capture Mother's true love?"

Diva had brought Solomon and Karl to the 'briefing room' which was really just the laundry room, with a diagram of the neighborhood tacked to the wall. For some reason, Diva had tied a bandana around her head, and was holding a machine gun.

"Mother," Solomon said firmly, "no more _Rambo_ movies for you. Ever."

Diva pouted. "Meanie." She said, taking off the bandana.

"The gun too Diva."

"MEANIE!" Diva was on the verge of tears, "Why won't you let me save Riku?"

Solomon sighed. "Diva, the 'demons' are just kids in monster co…"

"Yes, kids in monster colons, I know that! We're worried about saving Riku right now Solomon, pay attention!"

Solomon slapped his forehead in utter frustration. Serving Diva was harder then eating his own head at times. He stood up, about to leave, when Diva seized his arm.

He looked down to see her give him a puppy dog look, her eyes watering, lip quivering. She was using her hidden power to control him.

"Alright, so how do we defeat these, 'demons'?" He asked, trying to get the others to understand that they were just kids in costumes. To no avail.

"We have to make them think that we're three of them, and then we can gather intelligence of Riku's location."

Solomon rolled his eyes. These two needed intelligence alright, just not the kind they were looking for. He paid very little attention to Diva's 'mission briefing' and decided he would just find Saya and ask her where her brother was.

Karl on the other hand, having no knowledge of Halloween, was just as ready as Diva to hunt the monsters they were seeing. Solomon would have to instruct Karl on human holidays. He didn't need a repeat of the Easter Bunny fiasco.

Once Diva was finished Karl shot up out of his seat.

"I volunteer to go on a dangerous suicide mission for you Mother!" He shouted, giving her a salute.

"Captain," She said, with all the air of a General, "every mission is a suicide mission in this military. Now take the Private and leave."

"Wait a minute!" Solomon said, offended, "He's a Captain, and I'm a Private? And since when has this been a military?"

Diva scowled at him. "You should have paid attention to the mission briefing soldier, then maybe I would trust you with the rank of Captain."

"Dammit." Growled Solomon, as Karl led him out into the streets to hunt for the young chevalier.

"Karl," Solomon began, before receiving a glare from his friend. "Sorry, CAPTAIN Karl, shouldn't we check the house first, to make sure there isn't any evidence there?"

Talking like that made Solomon's head spin.

"Good idea soldier!" and the two went to check the house.

**MEANWHILE!**

Diva was crying over the picture of her young lover, who may at this moment, be being slowly digested by some manner of abyssal beast.

"Riku…" She sobbed, "I don't care what Solomon says." She pulled the bandana on tight and picked up the enormous gun, "_Rambo_ will show me how to find you, I swear." With that, she leapt out the window, landed lightly on her feet, and ran into the night, firing at all monsters she saw on the way.

**TO BE CONCLUDED IN PART II!**


	16. Halloween Part II

16

16. Halloween Part II

"TRICK-OR-TREAT!"

Diva gasped and turned on the small monster that had approached her and thrust a bag at her. She took poor aim with her gun and pulled the trigger. The rapid fire threw her flat on her back, but the bullets sliced a tree in half. The small, 'werewolf' ran away screaming.

"Huh," said Diva, still recovering, "_Rambo_ made this look easy."

She picked herself up, and at the sound of sirens and flashing red and blue lights, she ran like all Hell was breaking loose. Which, in her mind was the case.

_Transition Effect!_

Solomon sighed, searching the post-it notes on the fridge for some kind of note as to where the family was. So far he'd managed to find; a grocery list, a reminder to take Riku to cello lessons every Saturday and guitar lessons every Wednesday, a reminder for Kai to breathe, and something about trying to get Haji to be more sociable. Wonderful.

"Karl! Have you found any…"

"CAPTAIN Karl!"

"Will you stop with this military crap already? It's Halloween. The monsters are kids in costumes. Saya and the others are probably just enjoying the festivities. And your act is pissing me off! I was IN the military before I became a chevalier, and I know for a fact you wouldn't get any higher then that crazy guy who guards the ammunition."

Karl looked taken aback by his friend's actions, but was distracted by something shiny.

"Oh, shiny!" he dove at it, slowly pulling it off the shelf where it was.

"You're like a cat!" Solomon said incredulously, waiting for Karl's biting response.

Karl however, just tore open the shiny bag, only to have hundreds of small, square, shiny things spill everywhere.

"Oh! Little boxes of shiny!"

Solomon rolled his eyes. "That's candy, you stupid ass."

"No, candy is pink, blue, or some other color like that, and it isn't in the shape of cubes."

You haven't eaten candy since 1817 dipshit, time change."

"Why are you being so mean to me?" asked Karl, popping a mini-Snicker's into his mouth. But, Karl didn't have the insight to remove the shiny wrapper.

"YUCK! And they give this to kids?! I'd never let MY children touch something this vile!"

Solomon, in a last act of patience, picked up a mini-Snicker's of his own, demonstrated the complex process of un-wrapping it, then ate it.

Karl tried, and his eyes lit up in euphoria.

"My god," he said, his voice quaking, "this must be what Saya tastes like!"

Solomon looked at him, and took a few steps away.

"Freak."

"I am NOT a freak!" said Karl as he eyes the chocolate before him with a primal glare, "MINE!"

"I rest my case, and now go to seek more intelligent company."

_Transition Effect!_

After firing on yet another unfortunate beast of the night, Diva estimated about 109 years in a maximum security facility, plus an extra 10 in an asylum. Her monster count was up to 52 shot at, 11 grazed, 1 hit lethally. It seems just watching the movies doesn't give you uncanny marksmanship. Who would have guessed?

So, the criminally insane vampire continues to run along the streets of Okinawa, singing the Ghostbusters theme song, and bringing a rain of metallic death down on every monster that came near her. All-in-all, she was just living out the new Devil May Cry game.

She had been 'hunting' for about 3 hours now, and still no sign of her beloved Riku. She was getting very discouraged now. She hadn't even managed to fight some large demon that in all likelihood would have killed her, but by some divine intervention, she killed it, thus rescuing Riku, and spending the next two weeks in bed with him.

Defeated, she dragged her feet back to the place where she would live in solitude now, kicking away countless law-enforcement officials. She looked up, only to see a car pull into the driveway of her house.

She ran over to it, just as Saya, Kai, and Riku got out.

"RIKU!!" She ran over, and snatched up the young boy, kissing him repeatedly.

"Diva…what's going…on?" Riku asked between kisses.

"I LOVE YOU!"

"Diva!" said Saya, grabbing onto her and pulling her away from her precious Riku.

"Where were you? How did you fight off the monsters? Where's the cello guy?"

"HAJI," Saya corrected, annoyed the she couldn't remember her chevalier's name, "is out fixing the mess you made."

"Well, I guess I'll have to thank him later." Diva sulked, but her face lit up again in .5 seconds as she began another make-out session with Riku. Saya dragged the two into the house, to be met with a disturbing sight.

Karl was trying to rip off Solomon's skin.

"He thinks taking off the outside of anything reveals Snicker's bars!" The white clad chevalier cried in fear.

Diva walked up to her insane chevalier, and did something no one expected. She flicked him on the nose.

"Bad Karl! No eating Solomon!" she flicked him again.

"B-but Mother…" she flicked him a third time.

"Bad! Go to your box!"

Karl stalked over to a wooden box in the backyard, and climbed in. Diva closed the door behind him, and locked it. She walked back inside, picked Riku up, and ran upstairs, into their room, locking that door as well.

For once Saya had nothing to say in objection.

**THE END!**

**NOTE!**

Alright, so the humor level was lacking in this part, but I kinda ran out of ideas halfway through. I wanted to add a scene with Karl being, well, funny. So, I don't have enough on my latest poll, but results of the last one are,

Diva

Saya

Riku

Solomon

So that's the top four, and vote on the new one!


	17. The Hotel

17

17. The Hotel

Saya dropped her bags in the over-crowded elevator.

"Alright," she addressed the grouping of queens, chevaliers, and Kai, "this is the first major place we've been since the airport, so let's not get arrested."

Karl scowled, "I haven't done a single thing in the whole of this trip!"

Saya was incredulous. "You beat up ten people, stole one million yen, destroyed a 7-11, and ate, I say again, ATE a _Pizza Hut_ sign!"

"That sign was asking for it!" Karl whined.

The elevator doors opened, and the group stepped into the hall. Saya distributed the key-cards, and people chose their pairs. Diva of course demanded that she be with Riku, and due to her threats, Saya chose to abide. Solomon, being the only one who could control Karl, was paired with the madman. Haji wanted to remain at Saya's side, thus they were together. That left Kai and Nathan together, and James in a room alone.

Everyone but Kai was happy with the arrangement.

"That bitch is gonna rape my brother, that freak is gonna rape my sister, and this gay guy is gonna rape me!"

Solomon slid his key-card to his room, and entered the two-bed sleeping-quarters.

"Nobody is going to rape anybody; these are two-bed rooms."

"I DON'T TRUST YOU GUYS!" Kai wailed, bringing out all the other guests.

After a stern talking-to from Saya, Kai accepted the roster. He was asleep within an hour.

**Riku and Diva…**

"What is that sound?" asked Riku, after fifteen minutes of the annoyance.

"I don't know, it sounds like Karl is doing stand-up again!"

"No one laughs that hard at Karl's comedy."

Diva giggled, and hugged the boy. The beds had been bolted down, so Diva had moved the mattresses to the floor. The two had been lying peacefully together for most of the past hour, until the noises had started.

The impatient queen had hardly tolerated it, and if Riku hadn't been there, she would have snapped. The youngest of chevaliers had told her that the offending sounds would soon stop. It was an unintentional lie, and probably the first he had ever told.

"Riku…" the queen whispered, eyes glowing, "how about we make some noises of our own?"

Riku blushed as Diva pulled off his night shirt.

**Solomon and Karl…**

"That goddamned noises had better stop!" Karl growled, ignoring his friend's aggravated stares.

"You're being illogical Karl."

"I don't even know what that means!"

Solomon fell back onto one of the beds, and prayed for the ability to sleep again. Anything to get away from these horrid noises, the giggling from the next room, and the incessant ramblings of Karl. He couldn't have foreseen how much trouble staying in a room with Karl would be, and now was suffering for it.

"Karl, why don't you go find out what the noises are?" Solomon was attempting to kill two birds with one stone. He could rid himself of Karl, and let the unstable chiropteran destroy whatever was making the annoying sounds.

"That's it!" yelled Karl, affirming the plan, "Let's go!"

Thus all plans crumbled to the ground. Until dawn the next morning, Solomon was forced to hunt for the noise-making evil.

**Haji and Saya…**

"Haji…" Saya whispered quietly. As fast as the sound traveled, Haji was kneeling beside her bed.

"Yes my love?"

Saya looked down, "The noise…I can't sleep."

She seemed embarrassed to admit it, being that she was supposed to be tough. However, Haji understood, and stroked her hair. Their eyes met. Haji gave Saya a reassuring smile.

"Sleep now Saya, otherwise you won't feel good." Haji turned to the window, but was stopped by Saya's hand grasping his.

"Haji…could you stay here…in bed?" The question came out like a teenage girl asking a guy to a dance. Saya was about to mentally berate herself, when she felt the blankets being lifted, and a warm body against hers.

"Of course my love."

When Saya awoke the next morning, Haji was still there and still smiling.

**James…**

"I wonder how Diva is."

He went to the peephole, and was greeted by two naked bodies thrashing about on the floor. A rare blush spread across the stern chevalier's face.

"That answers that question."

**The Next Morning…**

They had all agreed to meet in the lobby, and to Kai, the sight was weird. Saya was snuggling with Haji, a content smile on her face. Diva was practically molesting Riku, not that that was anything new. Solomon was popping pills from an orange bottle, and rubbing his temples. Karl was shaking the lobbyist about strange noises in the night. John, or Jake, or something like that was sitting alone, blushing slightly whenever he saw Diva.

The gay guy was drinking suspiciously red tea.

"What the fuck happened last night?"


	18. Pills

18. Pills

"DA DA DADAAAAA!!!! DA DA DAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Karl looped a rope around the ceiling fan, and began to swing about, 'singing' the famous tune. That is, until his weight tore the fan off the ceiling. Karl slammed onto the floor, but quickly stood up, showing off all his majesty.

He wore his usual Chinese clothing, but over it, had a leather jacket and cowboy hat. He had hunted down a length or rope and dubbed it his 'whip'. All the while, Solomon held his head tightly. _Raiders of the Lost Ark_ was his favorite foreign film, but he had vowed never to let Karl see a minute of it. However, his crazed friend had come in when Solomon had gone to get pre-packaged blood, Karl had started to watch.

Five minutes later, Karl had dressed himself up as Indy, and begun reenacting all the action scenes. If Solomon was anybody else, Karl would have been stuffed into a soda can, and then set on fire.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and the other residents of the house entered. Diva was being chewed out by Saya for the 21st time that day. The blue queen was clinging to Riku, not hearing a single word of the scolding.

"…And how many times do I have to say it? The fountains in the park aren't swimming pools! You weren't even wearing anything!

Diva yawned. She could care less about what her sister thought about her. In fact, she was taking special care to block out her speech about public decency. She had been hot! The fountain was large enough, and she didn't want to get her dress wet! Saya had only seemed to notice when she had tried to coax Riku out of his clothes to join her.

"Marian!" Karl yelled, running to Saya, "I've got the Ark!" He lifted up Haji's cello case.

Said chevalier cast a death glare at the offending nutcase, and made a move to reclaim his precious instrument. Karl's eyes widened, and he stepped back.

"Back off Belloq!" The chiropteran cried, mistaking Haji for the villain of the film. "The Ark belongs in a museum!"

"…What?" To the surprise of all but Karl, Haji show utter confusion and was at a loss for words. Solomon stood up, and began to explain what was happening.

"It's from a movie, _Raiders of the Lost Ark_. It was made in America in the 70s, and the maid character goes to find an Ark that has the original Ten Commandments in it. Belloq is the villain who tries to get to the Ark. Marian is his old girlfriend, and she helps him along the way. Apparently, Karl is Indy, Haji is Belloq, Saya is Marian, and I'm Marcus, the bumbling sidekick."

Saya pinched the bridge of her nose, and tried to think of something diplomatic to say to help defuse the situation.

"Wait, this isn't the first time Karl's done something like this, but he's been doing these things more often lately."

Everyone's eyes turned onto Riku, in a silent question.

"Well," the shy boy began, "He ate one of my shoes this morning," at this, he gestured to his mismatched footwear, "Yesterday, he tried to make a hybrid car out of mustard," He pointed to the trash can filled with yellow plastic bottles, "and…" Riku trailed off. Suddenly, he shuddered violently.

"So," Diva asked, "what's up with my chevalier?"

Everyone went into deep thought as Karl bounced about the room. Occasionally a hand would rise, or someone's eyes would brighten, but the idea would be shot down in their own mind.

The doorbell rang, but nobody seemed to hear until Karl tore the door of its hinges, and the found it to be a good shield.

"THIS! IS! SPARTA!" Thus Karl dashed off into his next adventure.

"Well," the buxom scientist said, "that's answers how my patient is doing."

"Julia!" Diva cried, wrapping her arms around the doctor.

"Wait! Patient?" Solomon had heard nothing of this.

"Well, when he was recommended for therapy," Everyone looked knowingly at each other, remembering the numerous 'incidents' that lead to the unanimous decision, "I was selected as the most likely to make a breakthrough."

"So," Said Saya, "maybe you can tell us what's up with him?"

"Yeah," said Julia, seeming slightly pissed, "Some other doctor thought that PILLS were the only possible solution. Karl got the highest dose of the strongest medication that's legal. I guess this is a side effect."

"The pills making him worse is a side effect?" Solomon said, incredulously.

"Well, I guess pills really don't solve many problems."

"Now Saya," Julia began, "certain people like cancer patients and insomniacs need pills in order to live fully. However, those people have gone through many tests to determine that they need the pills. You can't just throw a prescription at someone, and hope it'll cure them."

"WHY SO SERIOUS?!?!?"


	19. Deus Ex Machina

19. Deus Ex Machina

"So Riku," asked Karl, "what've you been up to the last few years?"

Riku turned to the man who had long-since been dubbed, 'The Crazy One', and for once, wasn't desensitized to the nonsense coming from his mouth.

"Karl, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Riku was not usually very eloquent went he was exceptionally confused.

"Simple, it's been a couple years, so how's it been?"

"Karl," Riku started slow, knowing that his may be difficult for him, "we just spoke a few days ago. Julia gave you some new meds, remember?"

Karl stared for a few seconds, and then laughed. The slightly horrifying sound brought the other residents of the house running. He was rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach, and after several seconds, finally caught his breath.

"Ahhhhh, man!" Karl resumed his newest madness, "I guess you guys can't figure it out."

"Figure what out?" Solomon's question came out in a long suffering, very apathetic tone.

"Well, for about the last two years, we haven't even existed." Karl began, taking the closest thing to an intelligent tone he could manage, "And it's only now that the continuity-proof bubble that we live in has been restored. Without it, we just float in a realm of sub-reality, unaware of passage of time."

Already Solomon's head had fallen to the table, and a pained sigh left his mouth. Diva was bored, and was pulling Riku away to do something more fun, and everyone else was too stunned to do anything.

"You see," 'Professor' Karl continued, "Our existence hinges on the brain waves of a higher being, and when those waves cease, the continuity bubble bursts, leaving us without form or consciousness. When the brain waves resume, reality re-forms itself, and we're usually no the wiser of what's happened."

At this point, only Saya and Haji were still listening, Kai having fallen asleep.

"But!" Karl shouted, snapping Kai awake momentarily, "Last time, I was still on my medication," after say this, Karl popped a few pills, "and by some twist of fate, I kept my conscious mind intact." Karl's eyes darkened.

"I was awake, formless and lifeless for TWO YEARS! AND IF I EVER FIND THE DAMNABLE MONSTER THAT DID IT TO ME, I'LL KILL HIM MYSELF!"

"SHUT UP!" Diva yelled from upstairs. This drew a general agreement from everyone in the house.

"Karl, you're nuts."

"Idiot."

"Dumbass."

"Retard."

Karl stood dejected; having thought his friends would listen to his brilliant discovery after he was turned down for The Nobel Peace Prize.

_Later that evening…_

Karl was still depressed, sitting alone in his room, when Riku came by to talk to him.

"It's alright Karl," the boy said, sitting on the edge of his bed, "we all know you're crazy, so we expect this from you."

"But I was right this time, I know it!" Karl whined, "I had the science behind it and everything."

"Of course you did." Riku got up to leave, and as he reach the door, turned back to Karl, "Oh, Karl?"

"Yeah?"

"Please try not to do this again," Riku grinned, "nobody likes these stupid filler-chapters."


	20. Milk

- I found this on a flash drive not long ago. I think it's one of the earlier ones I ever wrote, but for some reason I just put it on the flash drive and forgot about it. I did a little editing, so, enjoy.

20. Milk

_Well, this is inconvenient_. Saya thought.

The quart of milk was empty, and she needed some in order to prepare the cake she had been craving all day. The ingredients were all in the bowl, the oven was ready; she just needed milk.

"Haji!" She called.

The tall man entered, "Yes?"

"Could you go grab some milk from the store, please?"

"Of course."

At that moment, Diva bounded down the stairs in excitement.

"I want to go too! I've never been to a grocery store before!"

"Diva," Saya said calmly, "after The Halloween Incident, I'd sooner give Karl acid and tell him turnips are trying to control his mind than let you run loose outside again."

Diva's face fell. She had really been looking forward to seeing a place where food went on forever.

"I promise I'll be good! I'll even bring Riku to watch me!"

"That makes it even worse. You being loose, AND having my brother as your hostage is a horrifying concept that challenges the imagination."

"What is Solomon comes?"

The long-suffering chevalier was snapped from his pondering of the insignificance of his efforts to control Karl by the sound of his name.

"Well…" Saya consider this, "While he HAS proven that he can handle deranged psychopaths, I really don't want to be left with no one to keep Karl from setting fire to the washing machine again."

"Why did he do that anyway?" Riku asked.

"Just…don't ask." Solomon advised him, "We're all happier not knowing how his brain works."

"Right!" Diva chirped, "We've agreed, me, Riku, Solomon, Karl, and Boring Guy will go get milk."

"Well, I guess three-to-two balances it out so, alright. Just hurry back."

**One hour later…**

"I think we should get two percent…" Haji said, examining the familiar carton.

"NO!" Diva snapped, "Why should we only get two percent of our milk?"

"Diva," Riku tried to explain, "That isn't what it means."

"I think we should get acidophilus milk." Karl stated.

"Do you even know what that means?" Solomon asked.

"No, but its fun to say!" Karl raised his arms over his head, and screamed as loud as he could, "ACIDOPHILUS!"

Karl ran off, shrieking to the heavens, and Solomon went after him. Karl grabbed several cartons of eggs from the shelf, and began throwing them at his pursuer.

"DIE! DIE! DIIIIIIIIEE!"

Riku watched the two disappear into the bakery section, and then tried to return to finding the milk.

"RIKU! LOOK!" Diva called from several aisles away, bringing him more out of worry than actual curiosity.

Diva stood in the frozen food aisle, staring joyfully at the ice cream that stretched from one side of the building to the other.

"I wonder what this stuff tastes like…" She reached toward a tub of chocolate ice cream, licking her lips.

"Uhh, Diva…" Riku interrupted, always wary about denying her what she wanted, "We have to pay for these things before eating them…"

"But…but…I want it…" Diva had very little experience with not getting what she wanted, and the fact that there was so much of the delicious treat, that her taking only what she wanted would hurt anyone. They could have the flavors she didn't like.

"Diva, we just need milk." Riku was trying to reason with her, "Karl's already run off, and we just need to get out of here fast."

"But I WANT it!" Diva shrieked like a small child, almost shattering the eardrums of several shoppers.

Riku decided the faster way to get out of the store would be to just go along with her and buy some ice cream. He let Diva pick one flavor, which she saw as a victory, and they went back to Haji. He was still staring blankly at the numerous cartons of milk, as Saya hadn't said which one she wanted.

"Haji," Riku said, "Diva and I are going to help Solomon, are you alright?"

"Hmm…" Haji picked up some skim milk, wondering just what 'skim' means.

**The produce section**

"Fly true my potato friend!"

The spud hit Solomon in the face, and rolled to the floor along with a vast amount of lettuce, corn, tomatoes, bananas, and various other products that had pelted the poor chevalier.

"Karl." Solomon sighed, "Can we PLEASE just go home?"

"NEVER!" Karl picked up a box of tomatoes, and revealed his chiropteran arm.

"No!" Diva said, fast-walking over to the scene, "We have to go. My ice cream is melting, we're leaving NOW!"

"ALL HATERS OF THE ACIDOPHILUS MUST DIE!" Karl tossed the vegetables into the air, and slashed his claws, sending sliced tomatoes flying everywhere. Riku turned over to Solomon.

"How long has this been going?"

"A little over a minute."

Riku looked around the destruction the Karl had wrought. Many stand were turned upside-down, fruits and vegetables all over the floor, and shoppers and clerks taking cover behind anything the could find.

"And he managed ALL THIS?" Riku was dumbfounded.

"Yeah, he works fast when he's motivated." A grapefruit nailed Solomon in the nose, but he didn't seem phased, "It happens."

"KARL!" Diva snapped, "My ice cream is melting, the little chunks of candy are floating around, and I wanted to eat it a minute ago! If you keep us here ONE SECOND longer, I will personally rip your lungs out of your ass, and shove them back in through your ears!"

Instantly, Karl was by her side, standing rigidly at attention, not paying attention to the fact Diva clearly had very little knowledge of anatomy. She stormed back to the dairy aisle, grabbed Haji by the collar, and dragged him out the door of the supermarket, the frightened shoppers finally peeking their heads out of the hiding places.

**Back at the house**

The door burst open, and Saya's head snapped up, her eyes widening. Haji was deep in thought, Solomon was covered in food, his white suit ruined, Diva ran to the freezer, jamming a soggy tub of ice cream in, Karl was constantly making sure he was looking straight at Diva, and Riku simply collapsed onto the couch.

"I'm not even going to ask." Saya shook her head, "Where's the milk."

Solomon, Riku, and Haji exchanged glances.

"Damn."

"YAY!" Cried Diva, throwing up her hands, "BACK TO THE SUPERMARKET!"

"I want to die." Said Solomon, falling to his knees, "I really do."


End file.
